By Sabine Joseph

While its origins may suggest that the holiday was intended for innocent fun, these days it is about anything but. April Fools’ Day is not a day for the faint of heart and it is not meant for lighthearted fun.

It is the day when you settle scores and get back at your enemies for ever wronging you.

You will make them rue the day they stole the pencil you lent them in algebra. The time they neglected to tell you that there was something in your teeth before you talked to your crush. Or the day that they made a meme of your somewhat unflattering yearbook picture and sent it to the groupchat.

The most experienced pranksters plan for months, even years, in preparation for their next Fool’s Day strike. They smile every day on the outside, pretending that the betrayal slid right off their backs, all the while seething with rage on the inside.

Then there are the newbies: the ones with the passion for revenge without the patience to plot it. They may never achieve legendary status, but their pranks pack a punch (sometimes quite literally) and their message comes across clearly: don’t ever mess with me again.

If you’re a newbie who’s got scores to settle but skipped out on the elaborate planning, worry not.

The day is still young so there’s still time for you to exact your revenge. Here are some classic pranks you can pull off with little planning and time, and only a few bucks spent (and well spent at that).

Peppermint Bark Oreos

 

The title makes it sound like a tasty winter treat, but don’t be fooled. The “peppermint” in these Oreos comes from the one minty substance no one ever wants to mix with food: toothpaste.

Everyone’s had the unpleasant experience of drinking orange juice right after brushing your teeth. Now imagine dunking milk’s favorite cookie into a tall glass of 2%, taking a bite, and having your tastebuds bombarded with the minty freshness of Crest instead of Oreo’s sweet fluffy cream.

The prank is simple:

• Open up a pack of Oreos and scrape off the cream between the cookies. Leave no cookie untouched: those monsters don’t deserve to have even a single normal Oreo.
• Destroy the evidence. Eating the cream always does the trick, but if you’re going to trash it make sure that no one sees it in the can.
• Grab a tube of toothpaste and start filling.
• Offer your nemesis some “perfectly normal” (“Seriously, I didn’t do anything why would you even ask?”) Oreos as a sign of peace, then watch them suffer as they take a bite.

Candy Mega Mix

The fact that popular candy brands all use the same five colors has never meant anything to you before, but it does now. The similarity will be the best thing to ever happened to you and the worst thing to ever happen to your enemies.

Everyone loves to taste the rainbow or the perfectly matched combination of peanut butter and chocolate, but no one likes to mix them together; which is precisely why you’ll do just that to your victim.

• First, buy a bunch of different candy varieties that are the around the same shape, size, and color but have completely different flavors (Skittles, M&M’s, Reese’s Pieces).
• Go against the laws of the universe and mix them together in a bowl (or, to make the ruse more convincing, put the assortment back into one of the candy bags).
• Kindly offer your unsuspecting victim some of your candy. Maybe eat a few (unmixed of course) that you seemingly pulled out of the bag to alleviate their suspicion.
• Watch their expression turn into one of betrayal— the same one you had when they ate those leftovers you were saving.

All Wrapped Up

Sometimes you don’t need to completely obliterate your nemesis to be satisfied, mildly inconveniencing them can do just fine.

If your nemesis has people to see, places to be, and stuff to do then go right ahead and let them be on their way. You will not exact your revenge by stopping them, you’ll get it by slowing them down. A lot.

Wrapping up their car like a Christmas present will be more a gift to you than it is to them.

• You’ll need some sort of wrapping material— saran wrap, gift wrap, bubble wrap, they’ll all work just fine. The real challenge comes from getting enough to wrap a car, so make sure to check how much wrap the package contains and purchase the number of packs accordingly.
• Next, you’ll have to keep your mark away from their car. This may require some skillfully woven lies or the help of a trusted friend to keep them occupied while you get down to business.
• While the enemy is distracted, go crazy. Scream and jump with glee as you run around their car wrapping it up as tightly as you can.
• Finally, come up with a reason for your foe to rush out to their car. Delight in their reaction and in watching them cut their car free.

Broth Bath

Chicken soup: we all love it. It makes us feel better when we’re sick; it’s warm, comforting, and tastes like home; and those star shaped noodles are probably the best thing ever created.

But no matter how much we love it, no one in their right mind loves it so much they want to bathe in it. This simple yet sophisticated prank has only two steps and will change your enemy’s feelings about chicken soup forever.

• First, grab a cube of chicken stock and put it in the shower head.
• Then, listen for the sound of your enemy’s outrage as they’re surprised with a soupy shower.

In a Pickle

If you’re looking to give your victim a good scare, having them stumble upon a severed head will certainly do the trick. They may be on alert, suspecting that you’ll tamper with their food or jump out at them from a dark corner, but if you play your cards right, they’ll never suspect this:

• Empty a jar then fill it with water. Once it’s filled, put in a few drops of green food coloring to give it that classic, frog-preserving formaldehyde look.
• After that, print out a picture of a face (the creepier the better) that’ll fit inside the jar.
• Place the picture in the jar, seal it tight, and put it where your victim will find it but would never suspect it. If you’ve put it in a place you go into often, make sure your mark sees you looking there as if nothing’s wrong.
• When they finally make their way to the location be ready with your phone to record them as they shriek in horror. The reaction video will definitely serve your revenge purposes: Who’s the groupchat meme now, huh?

Now that you’re armed with a plan, go forth and rain retribution on your enemies. Get even and make them regret ever getting the last rolling chair in computer lab.

Just be sure that your prank instills fear in your victim’s heart. Otherwise, you risk igniting the same spark of rage that set you on this path, and it’ll be you who need’s to watch your back next April Fools’ Day.